The Veruca Salt State of Mind

the new year ramblings of a lunatic (me)

Earlier this week, I opened one of these many social medias (this is social media, in case you’re delusional, in denial, or just haven’t realized that yet) to someone stating that they would not be renewing their subscription to 2025 after experiencing the seven day free trial.

I let out one of those laughs, the kind that hangs dangerously on the edge of a sob, sitting high up in your throat like you might choke, before managing to swallow it down and scroll on.

I considered a copy/paste of most of this post because the attitude remains. Everything feels enormously stupid yet exquisitely fragile. I spent most of this week chanting "silly little newsletter" to myself as I watched the blinking cursor vanish and reappear in the vast emptiness of blank page as text messages rolled in from loved ones discovering they’d lost generations of lifetime memories, comfort, and every worldly possession in the blink of an eye. The world burns, wars rage on, and the stupidity of humanity continues to obtain new heights (why do I always look at the comment section when I know it’s never good?)

Everything is tender and heavy.

The days tick forward.

I was still in the incubator stage of pondering ins, outs, resolutions and reconciling my fantasy life when I woke up on Monday panicked that I was already behind, squinting with pain trying to ease that under-the-belly-button stomachache I get when I click over to the Notes section of this app in recent days. They have how many subscribers? They’re making that much money? Is everyone finding success but me? What more could I be doing?

*boo, hiss, tomato, tomato*

Hastily the Seven Dwarfs of Doubt come, hurling cruel, intrusive insults, shouting that I’ve bombed and it’s too late.

But is it doubt? I……doubt it. It is more likely the side effect of persistently being surrounded by the glimmering shimmery lights of ✨immediate satisfaction✨

Prime Two-Day Shipping. Buy Now.
Monetization championing as the cornerstone of all success.
Idolizing external validation.

i sing this song a lot when i’m being impatient (much to my partner’s dismay)

I want it NOW!¹

The importance of the journey (hate that phrase, can’t think of a better one), buried. Revelation happens in the ugly, ick and yuck of “hard.” Growth comes from doing the thing and not just fantasizing about it (and it definitely doesn’t come wasting hours scrolling.) I was on the phone (a real phone call! talking! would highly recommend) lamenting to a friend this week that upon re-reading most of my newsletters I deemed them absolute abominations and “very not good teetering on abysmal and trite.” To which she responded, “but you DID them. Most people will never put pen to paper…and would you be who you are now without having written those things?”

I hate it when my friends are gorgeous, talented and wise.

The road goes ever on. So must we.

The resolution for this space moving forward is “doing” and the weird wacky wonderful swirly twirly path that leads us through, however slow we may go. I’m so tired of talking and think piecing about why no one seems to be able to get dressed — let’s just do it and fucking figure it out along the way, together.

If you say “algorithm” or “personal style” immediate nickel in the swear jar!

I hear gatekeeping is back in, but I’d like to share with you this year some of the things that make me, me. The things behind the warm fuzzies when someone texts me, “I saw this and immediately thought of you.” I’d like to explore the power of boredom (not boring) and staring out the window or at a wall. The thrill of going on a drive just to drive (my favorite.) Standing outside for five minutes, just breathing and listening and seeing. Looking at something ugly and thinking really really hard about why it’s ugly and wondering if it’s bad because it’s ugly or if it’s actually really beautiful and wonderful because it’s ugly. Watching the people in the museum look at the art. I’d like to explore the endangered species of genuine weirdness and the discomfort of alarming and unpleasant and strange. Asking “why” or “how” and figuring it out all on your own. Let’s read some fucking books. Watch a film just because the poster looks cool. Buy a random vinyl at the thrift store and listen to it. Frame memories. Call your friends. Park your phone. Embrace Do Not Disturb. Participate in reality, create boundaries in cyberspace.

I think about this scene often, especially when combing through the sea of think pieces about trying to feel unique in the age of the internet. This is engrained in my mind as what it means to embrace a little 〰️ weird 〰️

(This movie is cemented in my Letterboxd Top 4 and I will not be taking any questions. It is perfect.)

“you just witnessed a completely original moment in human history”

it’s refreshing, you should try it!

If nobody could see you, would you still do it? That is the more vulnerable self examination to wrestle with as we navigate this weird ass timeline of being hyper connected. Is the fear of being seen as weird or ugly stopping you from becoming? Are you living inside someone else’s fantasy? Are you willing to put in effort knowing you will not get an answer, resolution, or epiphany any time in the near future?

I’m delighted by the notion of messy, shocking, ugly, strange and “doing” without the expectation of immediate results/success/gains/triumph/recognition.

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My paywall is officially up, with most of my archive sitting behind it. I have a few new features that will be debuting in the next month or so, including making The Dump a weekly occurrence! Every week I'll share 10 or so vintage things I have saved, which will be free for everyone. A large portion of the month-end Dump will now be for paying subscribers only.

I’ve got a few eBay deep dives planned, along with outfits I’ve been wearing and experimenting with, plus a couple very special interviews with the coolest people I know on the calendar. I will always try to include a preview with something worthwhile for free subscribers, but more things will be living behind the paywall.

As much as I loathe being active on IG, I have decided to use it as a vessel to share lots and lots and lots of vintage (and secondhand) with you this year, so you can follow me there if you want weekly stories with even more fun links to fun things for free.

Considering secondhand and vintage before browsing new arrivals is a healthy habit and I hope it becomes something thrilling and adventurous that you want to share and explore alongside me. (From some quick math, I shared over 2,100 vintage and secondhand links with you last year!) I will be in the subscriber chat more often sharing one off finds and thrift scores and hope you’ll join me in sharing yours!

If you love this space, please consider upgrading your subscription, as it helps to fund more projects in this corner of the internet as well as sprinkle some good across various grassroots organizations, relief and foundations. Over the holidays this community helped donate over $565 (!) to Transanta, a mutual aid project that connects anonymous gift-givers with trans youth who are unhoused, in foster care, or otherwise without crucial support they need to thrive. This month a portion of paid subscriptions and affiliate links will be donated across various GoFundMe pages from this master list of folks who lost their everything in the Los Angeles fires.

Now, let’s get into the first weekly Dump installment. (Thanks for being here, love you, see you next week✨)

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(moving clockwise-ish)

• plaid mohair scarf ($33.74 on sale, purchase on eBay)

• gold tone asparagus brooch ($115, purchase on eBay) - “is that an asparagus on your coat?” talk about a fantastic conversation starter - great for a first date

• oversized heart safety pin brooch ($18.99) - love this size of this

• schiaparelli pocket watch ($89.99, working condition, purchase on eBay) - it works! put it on a crazy sexy cool vintage french silk ribbon or find a pocket watch chain

• 1960’s short sleeve playboy sweatshirt ($125, vintage medium, purchase on eBay)

• 1960’s triumph motorcycle sweatshirt ($95, vintage extra small, purchase on eBay) - the color!!

• vintage los angeles pennant flag (bonus hollywood bowl option here) ($24.85 on sale, purchase on eBay) - while it is currently very much too soon, the thought of gifting an Angeleno you love a piece of LA history could be a very special way to help them usher in making new memories and collecting significant treasures for their space. I think a pennant flag in a really nice frame makes impactful art

• campbell’s soup can laundry bag ($9.99, purchase on eBay) - make laundry day fun because it’s the worst chore

• judith leiber purple snake skin crossbody purse ($399.56, purchase on eBay) - for our girl judith, this price is sexy and while i usually am not a purple fan, this is v groovy

• pink dries van noten heels (fem 7, very good condition, $80.50!!) the price, dude

• sterling silver cz ring (size 7.75, $29.99, purchase on eBay)

• zimmerman robe coat (fem s, good condition, $140) - house coat but socially acceptable for the outdoors

1. alternatively considered the title “the Bobby Newport State of Mind” but decided that might just be too millennial-core