A sweet, sweet fantasy (self), baby

An ode to chronically low self-esteem and a very unrelated valentine's moodboard.

(the hummer! the roller blades! the lip-syncing on a rollercoaster!)

In lieu of taking the time and energy (not to mention, crippling anxiety) of finding a long overdue therapy session, I’ve found myself here, decidedly ready to openly share a varied selection of inner monologues and midnight existential crises (with a sprinkled in side of shopping hauls) for all the internet to enjoy! Though actively squelching the nagging discomfort of uncertainty, I am looking forward to stepping into the digital unknown this year, my eyes firmly set on the horizon of possibility.  

Truthfully, I’ve been staring at this empty draft for a day and a half now, comparing myself to various 30-somethings with hefty followings on various social media platforms that ooze what I define as the modern-day variety (less misogyny, more complexity) of a Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Perfectly quirky with their carefully curated vintage designer goods and layered necklaces, they write instagram captions filled with ethereal soliloquies on images of life in a bustling city, their perfectly curated living room with that stupid Tom Ford book no one actually reads (evidence), and a throwback of an idyllic sunset in an exotic seaside town somewhere in the Mediterranean. One part mind-numbing, one part slightly soul crushing, it’s a comparison cycle I can’t seem to get out of.

But then I remember that’s exactly why I’ve decided to be here. 

The Individualist, also referred to as an Enneagram Type 4 (hello it me), is typically known to have a problem with negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem (don’t worry, I’ll see an actual therapist to discuss that last part.) In an attempt to overcompensate, many Type 4’s cultivate a "Fantasy Self"—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. While also perhaps an alternative title my future memoirs, I can’t think of any better way to sum up most of my “drifting off to sleep” thoughts as anything other than the make-believe daydreaming of my fictional fantasy life due to mildly crippling self-esteem issues.

So here we are. 

I guess this is all to say that what seems very likely is that you’ve signed up for a front row seat to growing into this skin I find myself in as I age into my 30’s - my sweet sweet “Fantasy Self” come to fruition; a commitment to no longer let comparison thieve my joy.

This wasn’t really meant to be the point of this first newsletter, but I think it’s an important theme to lay out, as so much of my time is spent digging around the internet for unique and interesting wardrobe pieces that I often just lust over, knowing I would change out of it before ever walking out the door in fear of being seen as “high maintenance.” So as this space begins to take its many chaotic forms (and there will likely be many forms) I hope you’ll take part in the conversation that revolves around confidence and developing fearless personal style as I am a firm believer it is an integral part of the human experience. If there’s one thing I can guarantee, it is that there will be a lot of uncertainty and exploration, an oozing of vulnerability, and an enormous amount of self-reflection in this space (along with too many oxford commas [can you believe this song is 13 years old] and likely a misplaced semi colon or two.) I hope that, no matter the topic, you find this space to bring comfort in the way that talking to an old friend might- approachable, relatable, and a comforting shoulder to lean on.

ANYWAYS, I’d like to dedicate the second half of this to the fun stuff that is will henceforth be known as “Glenn’s Secondhand Scavenger Hunt Finds." I find it important to note I am of the mindset that almost anything I will ever “want” in life likely already exists on this planet in some way shape or form. While I don’t live in a world of absolutes, I find it hard to imagine there is anything I "need" that isn’t already floating around this plane of existence in some way (textiles, materials, crap made of plastic.) The further we venture into this ~junior year~ of absolute hell, with headlines that make me want to climb into bed and pull the sheets over head, the more I feel the moral weight on my shoulders to stop fucking buying shit I don’t need. There’s a lot of ethical questions and gatekeeping that have come into play in the burgeoning industry of vintage, secondhand, upcycling and junking (i.e. this mess which I have spent far too much of an afternoon sucked into.) Without dabbling too deeply in these topics this go-around, I will note that most of the things found in this little newsletter will be pre-loved because those one-of-a-kind pieces are the things that make my heart go pitter pat. Now without further ado, and in the festive spirit of the upcoming Hallmark holiday that I secretly love called Valentine’s Day, here is a roundup of eclectic things I have saved in my Etsy that fit the red/pink/sexy/lovey/moody vibe.

But first, a festive moodboard. Or two. Because the inside of my lizard brain looks like this.

And now, a round up of fun things that fit these moods for yourself, your hunny, your pals or your crush.

Clockwise from top left:

1. Mid Century Plates (Designed by Emilio Pucci)
2. Deadstock Satin Opera Gloves
3. Appliqué Tea Towel
4. Nude Lady Swizzle Sticks
5. Italian Glass Colorful Champagne Flutes
6. Vintage Telephone Salt and Pepper Shaker
7. 1930’s Lace Teddy Lingerie
8. Amber Spider Brooch
9. Heart Kitsch Flower Vase
10. Lucite Knot Napkin Rings
11. Silk Shantung Checker Gown

And thus concludes this first edition of Junior Year. I welcome your thoughts, feedback, and participation!

Tune in next week as I fill the western shaped hole in my heart after binging four seasons of Yellowstone far too quickly. There will be leather, fringe, and lots of cowboy themed content. Yee-haw!

xo Glenn