A bouquet of newly sharpened pencils

autumnal angst + filling the void with sweaters

This time of year should be recognized as official “Nora Ephron” season. If you haven’t experienced the 90’s nostalgic whimsy of You’ve Got Mail, When Harry Met Sally, or Sleepless in Seattle, it’s time to put them on your September watch list.

While the autumn equinox does not occur until Thursday, I find myself, like a decent portion of the internet, ready for spooky season (spooky as in victorian era vintage creepy, semi macabre, folk art, haunted and mysterious - never gory, never bloody, never horror - I am, to put it simply, a weenie when it comes to full blown scary.) Fall is by far my favorite season, rooted in aromatic memories of early 90’s California suburbia - Glade’s heavily perfumed powdered potpourri in a vague fall scent that my mom used to sprinkle our carpets with (🥴), fresh baked Duncan Hines brownies wafting through the house, and the refrigerated flower smell (a close relative to that of Pirates of the Caribbean water) of my grandma’s floral shop where my sister and I would spend hours as she reset her windows for the holidays with intricate feed sack scarecrows she handmade and sold at the local flea.

Autumn exudes the moodiness I spent most of my childhood being put in some sort of box for - hot tempered, stubborn, emotional - I thrive in an environment of dark stormy clouds, moody flickering candlelight, emotional intensity swaying between the dramatic crescendos of Chopin’s nocturnes and sweet baby angel harmonies of Robin Pecknold. This year I find it ironic that, as I discover this is the peak of where I thrive, I find myself in a town where the temperature won’t ever drop below 90 fucking degrees. Fool’s autumn. I am depressed by the habitual morning routine of opening my curtains to find more fucking sunshine and not a cloud in the goddamn sky. I’m fiending for gloomy weather serotonin by scrolling eBay for hours, adding hundreds of vintage glass Christmas ornaments to my cart, willing some holiday fucking cheer into my life. In hindsight, Texas probably wasn’t the best state to nourish my autumnal angst (and it might not remain that way 👀), but for now, I must make the best of it by spending a lot of time complaining and a lot of money decorating.

Speaking of autumnal tunes, I’ve updated my folksy Spotify playlist. You can listen here:

A fall year’s resolution of mine is actually to put an end to the growing impulse to buy, buy, buy as someone who is hopeful that retail therapy works at least part of the time, every time. It’s 100% filling the void and covering the wounds of finding a new pace in this “post pandemic” emotional hangover bubble that continues to shift. I feel deep existential dread about climate change shifting gears from gradual to warp speed, intense mourning at the strange reality that most of my friendships don’t look like they did five years ago, and a mixture of overwhelming annoyance and disgusting jealousy with the constant bombardment of keeping up with pop culture and internet life - if I see one more fucking NYFW post I might implode.

The change from summer to fall always feels weird and melancholic but also magical and hopeful (with a hint of overwhelming-anxiety-to-be-fully-present-for-every-moment-of-the-holidays.) I’m fully convinced the world spins faster from the months of October - January. As consumers we complain about Santa Claus figurines sitting next to Jack Skellington at Target but we also blink and it’s all over. Before we know it, some Gen Z pop star is singing Aud Lang Syne to crowds of miserable, cold New Yorkers and we’re packing up our Christmas ornaments and wondering what life will look like the next time we open the garage to unwrap them from their 11 month hibernation. Time is so fleeting!!! How many times do I have to say it before I actually hear it and get the fuck over myself and just live! Why do I have to be such a risk adverse weenie?

Yes, this is seemingly a newsletter of annoyance and whininess and those weird inside tingles you get when you panic about your purpose and how quickly time passes in adulthood and the wonder of if it’s too late to start over in your “career” this thing that people define you by even though we are all so much more complicated and complex and if you’ll ever move from terrible beginner to decent novice and if you’ll ever have that day where you’re in this moment you’ve dreamt of for so long and you’ll get to have that split second of time where your soul floats above your body and you’ll be able to say to yourself, “Wow, I fucking did it. This is all I’ve ever wanted.”

This is a mixture of wanting to bitch and complain but also in hopes someone reads this and finds comfort that not everyone on this planet has their shit even mildly together even if they take artsy photos of their delightfully chic martinis or perfectly curated book stack. Half those books have not been read yet! I doomscroll 8 of the the 10 times I say I’m getting into bed to read. Everything is a lie!

Deep breaths deep breaths deep breaths. Anyways, back to the good sad and weird of autumn and not the weird sad and weird of being a human. I told myself this would be the year I would begin to thoughtfully plan my wardrobe and not impulse buy a bunch of statement pieces and then wonder why I don’t “have anything easy to wear.” Generally, I’m a shoes, bags, and outerwear person when it comes to things to covet/obsess over. I believe these three categories “make an outfit” and that the other things don’t need to be overly complex to make the vibe *cool.* So this year to thoughtfully plan what I would like to purchase for the fall/winter months, I’m turning my favorite hobby, moodboarding.

First, we go to the saved folder on the ‘gram:

A decent repeating pattern of cool statement jackets, funky sweaters, clog shoes, and lots of comfy coziness. Next, we look at what I’ve screenshotted on my phone from various internet places:

Lots of trousers, loafers, and easy outerwear. From there it’s list making time- finding reoccurring themes and trends that feel like “me” without giving in too much to things that feel overdone or honestly, too TikTok. You will not be seeing me in sambas any time soon. Some people hear songs that remind them of an old significant other, I see sambas.

The result lands us generally here:

It’s giving grandpa chic meets east coast comfort meets kooky art teacher and I’m here for it. I will use this as a reference point when I get overwhelmed by browsing thousands (hundreds of thousands, thousands of millions - the world produces about 100 billion pieces of clothing a year) of new fall arrivals and find my heart beating to the pulse of “add to cart, add to cart, add to cart.” Most of these things I will aim to buy secondhand either by the way of thrifting, Poshmark, the RealReal, Etsy or eBay. I think there’s a big conversation to be had around sustainability and how complicated it is under capitalism and how our world functions right now. I still occasionally buy fast fashion (my rules are: no crappy textiles, hang dry to maintain longevity, only invest in core pieces that will get good wear), though I have heavily cut it out of my life, something that I am aware is a privilege. I’m also trying to get better at sewing - sewing my own quilt coat is on my autumn agenda! I am pro quilt clothing even as a hardcore vintage and archival enthusiast! I might just document the whole journey here, too.

(If you’re looking to dive deeper into sustainability, I would suggest starting here. If you’re looking for another reason to question the moral ethics of the Kardashians, I would start here.)

Thus concludes my initial thoughts revolving around this annual shift into the end of the year. If you haven’t noticed, I’m really bad sticking to whatever initial publishing schedule I set for myself, realizing that deadlines don’t scare me enough when I don’t have a boss above me. Woopsies - we’ll see if I learn some self discipline here along the way. I’ll be back Friday for a theme of cool shit I’ve found on the internet.

Interact with me! I want to hear your thoughts on the changing of the seasons and what’s on your shopping (or sewing/knitting) list for this upcoming season.

Until next time,

xo
G